Suggestions for Supporting Victims of Domestic Violence

The following are some things you can do when someone you care about is abused by in intimate partner or spouse.

• Listen to her.
• Listen when she wants to talk and reflect back her feelings.
• Believe her.
• Help her plan ways to keep herself and her children safe if her partner becomes physically violent.
• Let her know where she can find help.
  • Womecare Shelter provides safe confidential shelter, information and support, 24 hours a day. Call (360) 734-3438 or Toll Free (877)227-3360
• Learn more about domestic violence.
• Respect the needs, pressures and fears that may hold her in the relationship.
• Recognize she may love or feel committed to her partner in spite of the abuse. Try to avoid labeling, threats or calling her partner names.
• Know that she will make her own decisions as she is ready and able to do so.
• Take care of YOURSELF.
• Help her to understand she's not to blame for her abuser's behavior, and that she had valid reasons for staying (i.e. afraid worse violence if she left, belief that he'll change)
• Just spend time talking with her, not doing mundane things.
• If you know her from somewhere else, acknowledge that you might both feel uncomfortable and respect her wishes to talk to you or not. If needed, reassure her of your commitment to confidentiality.
• Encourage her to expect her children to respect her.
• Spend some time with her children: reading, playing, hanging out, so she can relax or think or make phone calls, especially when she seems distracted or her kids seem out of control.
• Don't express disapproval of her choices (her choices make sense in context.) This can be done so subtly that you don't notice, but she will. Don't over-praise her decision to leave.
• Don't focus only on her problems.
• Don't pretend you don't know her or that you are having a normal social contact.
• Don't put up with boundary violations from her children.
• Don't imply that she's not a good mom when her children misbehave.
• Call the Womencare Shelter domestic violence helpline at (360) 734-3438 or Toll Free (877)227-3360 for more information or support, 24 hours a day